10 Things I Wish Someone Told Me 10 Years Ago
At the start of every year, I like to review my goals. I pull out the list of goals I set for myself last January, and then grade myself on how well I did.
This year is quite different than past years. Everything changed after Cassie was diagnosed with cancer. Suddenly, nothing was important except her health.
It’s been tough. I looked after her the best that I could, I tried to be as encouraging as possible, and I made efforts to improve my career situation so that she could take time off to focus on her health. The year is over and, thankfully, the most important goal we set out to achieve has been achieved: Cassie beat cancer.
Although I didn’t do any of the fighting — you have Cassie and her doctors to praise for that — I did get caught up in the ride. I was exhausted by the emotional roller coaster, and I found myself constantly wishing for 2010 to arrive just so we could move past this difficult time in our lives. I was anxious to start experiencing normal life again.
Here I am now, happy that 2010 is upon us, wondering what else to write about. It feels like cancer has been the topic of conversation for so long, that I’ve forgotten how to talk about anything else.
I’m glad for how things turned out. I’m ecstatic that she’s cured. But I’m tired of the subject. I didn’t want to make another post about cancer, but the words are coming out of me anyway.
I suppose that I’m afraid if I don’t talk about it, the only other thing I can say about 2009 is that life was on pause for a while, so nothing else was accomplished. Maybe I’m ashamed about the fact that my intention is for this to be a progressive blog, and I’ve spent a lot of time ignoring it in favor of other priorities.
The other thing about 2009 is that I feel so detached from everything I experienced throughout it. It feels like I’m waking up from a bad dream. I remember feeling scared, sad, and impatient — but I couldn’t always express those feelings, because I felt obligated to appear outwardly normal and “together.” Being hysterical wasn’t an option.
I started imagining what types of things I wish I could have told myself earlier this year: “Everything’s going to be alright.” — “One year from now, this will all be behind you.” — “Trust me, she’ll be okay.”
The concept was pretty fascinating to me, and I took it a step further and imagined what I might like to tell myself if I could go back in time to give my younger self some advice about life.
I think that the dawn of a new decade is an excellent time to reflect upon the last ten years, and figure out what life lessons I’ve managed to learn from them:
#10 - For the most part, what others think doesn’t matter.
Ten years ago I was a 17 year old high school student who let the opinions of other people largely influence my choices. It was a dumb way to live, considering that ten years later, those people whose opinions I held in such high regard aren’t even a part of my life anymore!
The times when someone else’s opinion of you truly matters are few and far between. Think first impressions, like meeting your significant other’s family, meeting a new client, or meeting a potential employer for a job interview.
Don’t let other people rent space in your head. What they think of you isn’t important. What matters most is how you feel about yourself.
#9 - Explore new hobbies and opportunities often.
When I cared about what other people might think about me, I never tried new things. I was afraid that if I sucked at something, I’d be embarrassed. To spare myself the embarrassment of being bad at something new, I would never explore opportunities to learn a new skill, or start a new hobby.
Looking back on it, I see it as lots of time lost!
Nowadays I’m always anxious to put myself out there and learn something new. I sing at karaoke, I enter juggling contests, and I play Euchre even though I suck at all of them. I try new things as they come up, whether it’s a new restaurant, a new beer, or a new pastime. When you try new things, you discover more and more things that you enjoy.
Currently, I have plans to master the piano, the pool table, the surfboard, and the pen in my lifetime. They’re things that I know I love. Still, if you were to introduce me to a unicycle today, I’d hop right on to try and take it for a spin, fall off, and then hop on again!
As Harold and Maude put it best, “Everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves. You just can’t let the world judge you too much.”
#8 - Nobody knows what you’re thinking unless you tell them.
People can’t read your mind. This goes for your significant other, your employer, and that hot girl you’re too scared to talk to.
Ten years ago I was dating someone I no longer wanted to date. I knew that I was unhappy in the relationship, but she didn’t. Consequently, I waited and waited for things to improve, but they never did. I want to scream at my young self: Well no shit things didn’t improve. You never told her anything was wrong!
Relationships can’t improve unless you communicate. This applies to your relationship with your employer also — if you’re working hard at your job and believe that you deserve a raise, you probably won’t get it unless you ask for it.
Simply put, your supervisor doesn’t know what you want. Don’t wait for them to come to you, because your blood will boil over and you’ll end up quitting before it ever happens. Ask to meet privately and spell it out for them!
As for that hot girl, if you don’t say anything before she walks out that door, then she’s going to walk out of your life forever having never known you. Don’t let it happen. Learn to communicate so people can know you.
#7 - Talk to everyone in college.
Professors. Classmates. Roommates. Neighbors. Frats. Sororities. Clubs. Students outside of your major. Students outside of your social clique. Returning students that are older than you. Teaching assistants. Resident assistants. Adjuncts. Tutors. Career advisors. Deans. Librarians. Friends.
Why? Networking. When employers look for a good match for a job opening, the first thing they do is ask the people they’re already working with if they know someone who would do well in the position. They tend to look through resumes as a last resort.
College is the best opportunity you’ll ever have to build a complex, varied network of smart people. Use it to your advantage and get your name out there, because grades mean nothing in the real world.
Also, live it up, because college is fucking awesome. Trust me when I tell you that after you’ve graduated, you’ll go through college withdrawal. There’s a reason why so many people say it’s the best four years of your life.
#6 - Leave every job on good terms.
No matter how good it might feel to tell your boss to suck it right before storming out of a dead-end job forever, it is never worth it. You will probably need another job someday, and you might just need some good references to get it.
Giving up all opportunities for future recommendations for one fleeting moment to tell your employer what you really think about them is a bad trade. Give two weeks notice, and say thanks for the opportunity to work with them — even if it’s bullshit.
#5 - Pay your dues.
Even though you may have been hot shit in college, or at your last job, it will not grant you the slightest amount of entitlement in a new position for a new employer. In many companies, you’re basically getting in line to wait your turn to move up the ladder, and it may take years to advance beyond positions of indentured servitude.
Stick to it. Hopping from company to company looking for something “better” may allow you to get ahead in the short-term, but in the long-term your resume will become a mishmash of temporary stints that makes you look like a quitter.
In the end, persistence creates an impression of dedication and relevant experience — and it will outshine any other attribute, every time.
So take a look around. If you’re absolutely certain you’re on the right career path, then stick to it. Pay your dues. Climb ladders. It will be your turn soon enough.
#4 - Invest in yourself.
When you invest in yourself you can never lose. This applies to everything:
Learn to cook. You’ll save a bajillion dollars on food in your lifetime.
Learn a foreign language. You’ll expand your horizons and be easily employable.
Learn to spend less than you earn. You’ll never be broke.
#3 - You can’t change anything by just sitting back and looking at it.
Change requires two things: a conscious decision to accomplish something, and follow-through. If you want something accomplished, then do it now. If it can’t be done now, then do it today. If it can’t be done today, then start it today.
Change is tough, but the most difficult step is getting started. Of course once you’ve actually started, the most difficult step is following through. Change is tricky like that — but know that if you truly want it, you’ll find a way to create change in your life.
#2 - Expect people to be negative, especially if you’re carving your own path.
In all walks of life, you won’t see eye-to-eye with everyone. People will come out of the woodwork to tell you that you’ll fail, tell you that you suck, laugh at you, argue with you, call you names, write you messages laced with profanity, and be altogether unpleasant. As Tony Gazzo from Rocky put it, “Some guys, they just hate for no reason.”
The thing is, although it’s common to receive negativity from strangers, you’ll find that even the people you know and love can surprise you with negative attitudes. No matter who it is that’s trying to boo you off the stage, don’t let them succeed in doing so.
#1 - Do what you are.
We’ve all heard that ”If you love what you do, you will never work another day in your life.” The problem is that few people seem to actually have this luxury.
It seems that somewhere along the line the consensus changed to “If you do what you need to do, when you need to do it, then maybe someday you can do what you want to do, when you want to do it.” You end up spending the majority of your life waiting for that someday to arrive.
It’s mostly unavoidable though, since we spend most of our growing years hearing things like:
- You need to go to college.
- You need to get a job.
- You need to keep working even if you don’t like your job, to pay for college.
- You need to save for retirement, so that you have the option to retire.
Once you finally make it to retirement, then you can finally do what you want. It seems so backwards, doesn’t it?
When I’m not distracting myself from how repetitive my job is, I always think about how I’m slowly trading away the sunny days of my youth for “job security.” I show up, put my butt in a chair for eight hours a day, and collect a paycheck. Congratulations, I’ve traded away some time for some money.
I don’t feel alive at my job. I do shit that’s unimportant to me. I’d rather spend my time doing anything else, but the things I want to do wouldn’t pay me the way my boring job does.
Consequently, I write. Not because it earns me a lot of money, but because I feel most alive when I’m writing. For me, to not write is suicide — and I desperately wish that I realized this about me sooner.
If I could offer my younger self some real advice, I’d tell myself not to base my career choice on what someone else recommended. I’d tell myself not to pick a major because it’s what’s popular. I’d tell myself not to get into a career field for the money.
I’d tell myself that the right choice is much simpler: Do what you are. As long as you’re true to yourself, and follow your own interests, you can find success through passion. Perhaps more importantly, you won’t wake up ten years later in a career field you hate wondering “What the hell happened?”
…
So that’s my list of things I wish I knew when I was younger. We all think about things like this from time to time — so if you agree or disagree with what I’d tell myself, or if you have any bits of wisdom that you wish someone would have taught you long ago, please share in the comments!
85 Responses to “10 Things I Wish Someone Told Me 10 Years Ago”
I never thought I’d end up back where I started 10 years ago. Yet, here I am, drinking a glass of cynicism, playing infinite rounds of limbo. I suppose though, we have to be torn down to bare bones before we can really figure out who we are.
I’d tell my younger self to be less naive, but I am not even sure that would have helped.
[…] 10 Things I Wish Someone Told Me 10 Years Ago · LifeReboot.com www.lifereboot.com/2010/10-thi.....-years-ago – view page – cached At the start of every year, I like to review my goals. I pull out the list of goals I set for myself last January, and then grade myself on how well I […]
Great post. Regarding #7, talk to everyone, not just those you are trying to include in your network. The security guard, the maid, the trashman, the 7-11 clerk; everyone. Don’t force it and don’t treat it like it is an assignment. Just because their job or their station in life is not what appears to be prestigious, they have knowledge and wisdom at some level that is not only beneficial to you, it is downright amazing! Everyone has a story that if written like a novel would be a bestseller. See if you can find it.
Thanks for writing this, I literally just stumbled and read it. This one thing helped me make my decision as to what I am going to be. Thanks random blogger out of the blue, you potentially changed a life.
Nice post but I disagree with number 6 - I always left on bad terms on purpose, that way I would never have to do that job again. It forced me to find things I liked doing.
One thing I’d tell myself ten years ago is to quit the booze. As I always suspected, I’m infinitely happier without it than with it after being dry for three years. Again, it forces me to find true happiness in life rather than dull my senses with alcohol.
Hey, thanks for the tips! I’m still considered to be in my adolescent years so I don’t really think I have much wisdom to contribute. I agree with the tips provided though and I will be sure to make use of them.
What a great post, but I have to say that I have been reading your post about James and his passion. What has struck me is that as he started from such simple forms of movie making and developed his own method of creating fixes for his problems, I do sort of the same thing with my paintings.
I guess neither one of us has had any format teaching in our passions, but we find a way. Thanks, that was encouraging to me. I may never make a penny painting, but it keeps me sane and brings me out of my shell, I am sort of shy, too.
Thank you for your lovely post. I StumbledUpon it this morning and will return again.
I am only 16 and have a lot to learn about life in general. I’m glad I’ve had the chance to see this post - you couldn’t tell yourself 10 years ago but you’ve told me.
I hope I can put them to good use.
I COMPLETELY agree with #10, though. That’s one I’ve definitely learned already. I think it’s also good to know when a friendship is over, as sad as it is. There are people I’ve known who cause a lot of unnecessary stress and drama. It always feels more hostile if you let that grow instead of addressing the issue and, if there’s no saving it, moving on. The drama doesn’t help at all during high school.
Anyway, thank you for your post.
Great list. Number one particularly applies to me and my previous decade. I graduated high school in 2003 and the went on to struggle through college for six years until finally deciding to call it quits this past year. I came to the realization that the only reason I was doing it was because other people said I should, and that it didn’t make me happy (in fact it made me quite suicidal at times, and I’m not just saying that in jest).
Now that I’ve quit I’ve got a great job learning to be a butcher and guess what, I love it! Cutting meat and helping people make their decisions for what to have for dinner (whether an every day meal or a huge one like Thanksgiving or Christmas) is incredibly satisfying work and I truly believe that I enjoy it more than any office job that I would have gotten with my college degree. Sure I’ll never make six figures, but there’s enough money down the road in the career to keep me comfortable and able to take a vacation every now and then, and that’s all I really need. And at least during all that time I’m not on vacation I actually enjoy my work
Thank you for sharing this, and also for sharing your wife’s journey over cancer. I am glad the ordeal is over and hope the best for your family. Thank you too for sharing your writing, too. I think you are quite gifted and the pointers are wise.
You sir,
are a wise man. I feel (as an engineering student) that I’ll probably end up hating my job/life and go off to pay my final dues to God by wrestling a cougar on mt. Everest… a lot of people do not want to retire and end up in a ‘home’
Love’t every single point you made. I found myself in lots of your words, especially in the begining that your happy that 2009 has ended. I think this will be a much better year for me and I can’t wait for it to start.
Anyway my passion is in developing websites, that is what I love and always have, besides my work where i work for other people websites the most fullfuilling thing to me is when I work on my idea, check it out if you have the time
You make it sound as if 27 is old and that you have wasted a life-time searching for a suitable career. Actually, you are probably only 1/4 of the way through your life. If you enjoy writing so much, go to school to study creative writing or journalism, or write articles for your local paper. In reading your blog, it is apparent you would make an excellent “special feature” writer. I am glad that your girlfriend beat cancer, what a great New Year’s gift.
I stumbled this article, and I have to say that I am glad that I did. You said that 10 years ago you were 17? I am 17 now. I appreciate the knowledge you have passed on, and I will keep it in mind.
well i agree with most of what you’ve written, i’m 3 years older than you and know i don’t know everything and looking back 10 years really doesn’t help that much because i was 100x more ignorant of how the world works. i presetnly work in a job i’m good at but has no real future in it (computer tech) and it pays better than anything else i did prior to that (hotel clerk, i’ve actually seen and heard ads for these types of jobs calling them ‘careers’; lol, read Nickled and Dimed for a closer approximation of the truth) but i don’t really like it much, i was once passionate about computing but that long since dulled over, especially seeing what the internet has largely become - another avenue for the shallow vacuous consumer driven lifestyles that benefit only corporate board member’s stock portfolios.
i’ve had similar experiences to what you relate (homeless/close friend with so-called terimal cancer etc, and i was and they were both younger than you) but i think you should back off the “im grizzled” air of the article cause you’re not; not by a long shot (this is not an insult). ask someone 30 years older than you what they think, in fact ask a bunch of them.
the one thing i agree with the most is the networking thing, i have exactly 2 friends, i’m an introvert with incurable chronic depression and other problems and that has been teh biggest obstacle to changing work fields or anything else as i have no family so there is no one to help. i don’t agree because of the networking aspect, though. i agree because i believe in the socratic sentiment that everyone has something to teach you whether you (or they) know it. i believe deeply you must look inward before you can do anything in the external world. introspection isn’t all bad. for me i can’t think of anything i actually love doing enough to notice it’s not work except playing video games and smoking weed and i can’t get paid to do either =)
$.02
Most of these points are good advice. That said, I was a little concerned by #5. It seems that there might be a little bit of the ol’ “straighten up and do what you are told” coming through in your writing. There is something to be said about sticking to a job that you love, but dealing with crap just so you can climb this imaginary ladder can sometimes blind you to what your life may actually be about. It is best put by a wise man named Alan Watts.
http://www.neticons.net/music_life/
Got here through StumbleUpon and just wanted to say thanks for this post. There’s a lot of stuff there that I needed to read again. I know exactly how you feel — I had a couple of years put on hold because of medical issues and it sucks. I still feel like I’m catching up!
Hang in there, and here’s to a much better 2010.
Those people that say college was the greatest years of their lives live pretty sad lives. I think getting married, having a family, and being in a career you love should be the greatest years of your life. Otherwise, you make good points.
Stumbledupon this and loved it - very wise. As a retired professional, I agree, definitely do something you love, if at all possible. But finding out what that is might be a rocky and twisty road. I ended up doing almost exactly opposite of what I thought I wanted to do, and loved it. I wanted to be a speech pathologist with adults in hospitals and rehab centers, and ended up working with middle school kids in school. We had much to offer each other, and I always felt privileged to talk with kids and get paid to do it!
I dunno. I’m 18 and I have no interest in selling my soul for money. Corporate kissing ass only gets you far in this life. The paycheck might be there and it might help fill your stomach but it won’t fill your soul.
To be perfectly honest I really don’t like money. Why should I get a degree in something I don’t have a passion for and slave for 50 years to eventually buy a BMW?
I like college but hate partying.
The networking advice is good, as an artist it is really important, but nothing is more important than a strong portfolio.
I really feel like the only worthwhile pursuit in life is to create. So I’m studying art. I could never retire from art. I want to paint on my deathbed. Even if I go blind I’ll just have someone tell me what color is what and I’ll keep going for it.
I’m going to school to become an elementary school teacher because that’s where the good advice comes in; not the whole “go to college, get a job” but “believe in yourself and follow your heart”. But, I’m fully aware that if I don’t like it I can switch gears. I would NEVER want to have just one job in my life. It sounds awful.
I want to open a cafe, operate a gallery, teach a class, so many things. Humans can do so much and it’s insulting to tell any person to limit themselves to one job in their life.
Nice! The problem for most people around me is, however, that no one knows what they want to be doing. It seems that it takes some time to figure that out, and after 14 years of education, we still havn’t learned the most important thing, to know what you want to do. You can only achieve this by testing stuff out
Quite informative and I especially liked your style of writing….very free flowing and straightforward. Suggestion were very good. but alas i am too old now to change some decisions now :(. anyways good luck with your site. Keep writing!!!
Touche my friend. Very enlightening. Normally I’d hesitate to respond but thanks to #10, here i am!!! I’m you 10 years ago, just trying to make the right decisions and follow those steps that have been replaying in my head. Thanks dude :]
Hey Shaun,
This is a great post. The 10 things are fantastic but I’d add and 11th for women (mostly) :You are way more gorgeous than you know.
On a side note I had the same year from hell that you had in 2009 in 2008 except I was in Cassie’s shoes. And from a year in the future you’re right it does get better, normal life returns, cancer stops being the primary topic of conversation and you can start being young again and stop hanging out a hospitals! My very best wishes to the both of you.
[…] 10 Things I Wish Someone Told Me 10 Years Ago · LifeReboot.com (tags: life advice) […]
Wow. You captured not only those typical important life lessons, but shared them such an emotional and personl breath that I’m close to tears. It really has been one hell of a year, and it seems to have been tough for everyone I know. My only addition is to remember - remember ones personal list when times are good, when its easy to put stuff off to tomorrow. Not only are our tomorrow’s limited, but our positive actions can be a respectful sign of support to those whose lives are currently on hold just trying to stay afloat instead of swimming.
I stumbledupon this. Fantastic, I’m 18 just about to start university next month. I will return to this advice. Thank you very much
Thanks for the post. As the husband of a cancer survivor (3 years ago), I can tell you that within a year it will all seem like a bad memory. I’m passing on your tips to my college age sons! Life has many lessons!
your #1 might have literally changed my life.
doing what you are, being a writer that is, changed someones life.
i’d say that that is an accomplishment.
I really enjoyed your post. Reading it made me see that I’ve made some mistakes in my life, and you just pointed them out for me.
I really do agree with #8, I try always to speak up my mind, loud and clear, because that’s the only way to let others know what you want, think and feel.
But #1 really hit me, and really hard. This was the biggest mistake I have ever made… and now I’m trying to repair it. Searching, reading, talking to other people, watching… I now investigate to discover my true passion in life, and then stick to it.
Thank you!
“Do what you are!” Thanks, its making me feel better for walking away from my old job and doing more of what I love today.
Thanks for those pearls of wisdom. They are an inspiration. My father died of cancer just a couple months ago so I can really relate. He battled Leukemia for 8 years and the slow suffering was unfathomable. The conversation always centered around and returned to pain, hospitals, doctors, appointments… It all showed me how much we need to enjoy the moment. You cant take your money with you. Love your family right now.
@Everyone
Thanks for all of the positive feedback. I wasn’t expecting such an enthusiastic response from my first post of the New Year, but I’m grateful to know that many of you found inspiration in it!
Thanks, also, for the kind words about Cassie’s triumph over cancer. It feels so good to talk about it like it’s in the past. Cheers!
Excellent list. Here’s what I do: I have a place near a lake that I visit every so often - The place is beautiful and calm. What I do there is two things after sitting down for a minute. First I try to send a message to my past self - a message much like your life lessons I think hard “What would I tell the Andres that sat in this same spot a year ago?”. Of course I can’t travel through time, but suspending disbelief helps a lot with the second part: Listening. I try hard to hear myself in the future and try to imagine what that Andres from the future is telling me. What is he whispering? What did he come here to tell me a year from now?
What a thoughtful and inspired list. Thanks for spreading your light out into the world.
Joseph
this is a must read, not only for me but for lots of folks. i will be sharing this page. Thanks for that.
this is very inspiring.. i’m feeling rather down these days and this certainly perked me up, especially the part where you said “Everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves. You just can’t let the world judge you too much”. Ive always been shy to try new things so maybe this year i’ll change that, and i won’t care if i make an ass out of myself
I loved every word of this. It meant something to me, thank you.
Shaun - well said. And congratulations on getting it so young. Your maturity and wisdom will serve you well. You had a rough journey with your wife’s illness, and you learned the lessons. So few really do learn them. I know you’ll find that path you seek far sooner than you think.
You have a great writing voice. Keep it up.
Enjoy the journey!
Beth
“Being hysterical wasn’t an option.”
its not?
Aww.
I feel the same way about everything I read here. Thanks for sharing.
This post is really wonderful– very well-written and spot-on. I have a few years on you and have made many of the same mistakes in life that you have listed. I, like Andres (above), need to listen out for that Crystall of the future and make some changes for the right reasons. Thanks for your insite.
I think another thing is to know when to get out of a toxic anything. To know how to walk away. I think that is as important as communicating the right thing to the person in your life. You have to be able to walk away and make a clean start.
I was given a link by a friend and I have now added this blog to my RSS. I think #4 stood out the most for me, but they’re all great. I am at a time of transition in my life and this was perfect for me to read on the eve of my move to a different province. Thank you.
I loved your blog. I agree with everything you say. A bad bout of post-natal depression forced me to re-evaluate what was important to me and who ‘I’ was. It shouldn’t have taken that, but in a weird way the end result was that I am a happier, more confident person who worries less about what people thinks and continually tries to be myself whatever….. Thank you for reminding me what is important and I am so pleased that Cassie AND you, beat cancer……
Im so glad I stumbled across this. Im 19 years old and a sophmore in college…living the life :). Im so different from who I “used to be”. College has opened up a whole new world to me and I can’t say I hate it. You are totally right with every life lesson you posted on here. Im glad that I got to read this 10 years before instead of 10 years after. So Thank You.
#10 is so true !! I am so glad that, I have finally on the path of doing what I love to do. Great post !!!
i’ve came to many of these same conclusions myself… the tricky part–ive noticed–is implementing them.
I feel like I’m living the wrong way. I’ll manage though.
The hardest thing is to find out what you love doing, and the only way to at least try to find that is to experiment different things. And is a privilege to be able to do that, since we have bills to pay. When we get aroud the 30´s, we want to have a house, children, and sometimes these dreams take over the dream to find the job or occupation that completes you. But we can always try to figure things out, having a job that we hate is the worst thing ever.
This article is why I keep Stumble-ing…
Thank you for being the wind at my back today!
Thanks god Cassie is all right. After an event like this you never will see the life as before. All the things take a new look, and we use to modify the priorities. What before appeared like a problem (a bill to pay, a deadline, etc), not longer are problems. Just are like any item to be fixed on day to day basis. Thanks for sharing in your blog.
Thank you…thank you.
I’m 17, about to leave home, and will always remember these. May God Bless you.
That is terrific for you, for Cassie.
I have a dear friend that recently fought the same battle with cancer. Unfortunately, the ending is not the same. My friend leaves behind her husband and children… and much sadness for family and friends.
While I agree with everything you said above, and I thank you for that, I must add that overpowering any of your “ten” - is prayer.
I just stumbledupon this article and I guess God wanted me to read it.
I’ve been living this dilema for a few months now, and I’m talking about n# 1. I love Photography and I really want to become a professional, but my family and friends keep telling me that I will die of starvation if I go this way. They say I should do something more “money-reliable” because I’ll eventually get rich somehow.
As you said: if we do what we are we will be successful because we’re doing something we were made to.
Now I’ll just shut my ears down and I won’t listen to any other advices. I just loved yours and I’m sure you know what you’re talking about.
Great list. I’ve posted a similar list to my blog and we definitely agree on many points.
too bad retrospect is 20/20 instead of foresight.
Inspiring to say the least! Thanks so much!
I disagree with #5 in part. I do agree that “paying dues” is a good thing in terms of developing character. And I do agree that one should not hop from job to job for the sole reason of looking for something “better” because the grass is usually always the same shade no matter where you go.
The part I disagree with is your advice to stay loyal to a job and a company because nowadays, it’s not guaranteed that the company will stay loyal to you. Sure, stay long enough to give it an honest chance. But at some point it’s going to be obvious that it’s the right place for you to be or not, and if it’s not, don’t waste any more time there.
And I’ve actually heard that staying at one place for a long time might actually hurt a person when looking for a job; employers today like to see varied experience.
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Man, follow your own advice! Quit your job today and become a writer. Life is too short, etc etc
Oh, never mind. It seems you’ve already done so. Write on
Hi Shaun,
I’m about the same age as you (27), and I agree with most of your main points. I definitely agree that one should explore hobbies and opportunities, other people, as well as yourself as much as possible! I think my biggest regrets involve not engaging more in the world out there to make the most of my life at all times.
I do have a couple of corollaries I would add to what you have already written:
I will just take what I can from the experience and see it as a new opportunity to try out a different kind of work in the future, though…
#7- Getting to know others is good for more than just networking. It’s good to simply make life more interesting and to learn new things.
#5- While loyalty and dedication to an employer is commendable, don’t expect that trying to “pay your dues” will help you to move up the ladder. I learned this the hard way…I tried to lie low and just do my job and was still laid off at the end of 2009.
#3- The best way to change yourself is to be sure to make sure what you are doing is clearly defined. I find that writing my goals and reviewing them periodically helps me to accomplish more than if I simply think about my goals without putting them into a more concrete form.
#2- There will always be negative people out there, not just targeting you and your goals, but also making the worst of out of your shared situations (i.e., coworkers talking bad about your boss). Cultivate relationships with the people who are positive and expect the best out of other people, not those who expect the worst. Strive for relationships of mutual respect and trust with those people, and distance yourself from people who trash others behind their back.
Thanks for the thought-provoking post! Hope you have a great 2010!
Everything you’re saying is making alot of sense. Im a senior in High School awaiting for my college acceptance letters so the college advice is really helpful as well as the relationship advice.
Thank You.
Thank you for letting us know what you didn’t back then
Helps me a lot and other people as well , indeed don’t put to SOUL what others say or think about you , haters : D
I’d tell my younger self to embrace the space she takes up in this world and to stand up for herself. I’d tell her that marriage at 19 is not a good idea and to go to college away from her hometown. Money management is imperative. Credit cards are evil and the borrower is slave to the lender.
I’m so glad to hear Cassie and you are doing well. I lost my father to cancer.
Thanks for this list! I needed to read it today.
I’m in college now, it’s good to hear these thoughts. This is an awesome way to get pumped up about doing things you like, basically living your life the right way. this is one of the best blogs i’ve ever read, it makes me excited to be alive. I’m just a college student, but you should take your own advice and do something about your career. Tell your boss to read your blog…no chance it will get you fired. If he’s a reasonable guy, it could work to benefit you. Take a chance, heck I could even see this getting published somewhere, I would buy it.
peace
Hey. Very sound practical advice, and I have been repeating some of the same messages to myself. I’m pushing 30. I have been in the real world, held a good job, changed it up a few times, and now I’m back in school again. As much as it hurts my manhood to not have the bank account to support myself and maybe a wife and some kids someday, I keep telling myself that this is a journey. Every day gets you one step closer to… somewhere… that you weren’t standing previously. That’s what I think anyway.
Linking you to my blog. Will be back soon. Thanks.
Thanks, Gracias de verdad !!!
You know, yesterday I was picking my best friend in the airport with another good friend of us. For thing of life we started a chat that resumed everything that was written in this post. The only thing is that we are starting a new cycle and life is became more than just party and not doing a shit. Life now becomes real, I must start working and in the middle term, leave my house and buy my car. I hope I can have the BMW I want, the Ducatti to ride my girl and my astonishing home where I can raise my family and my beautiful (unknown) wife.
But is this possible? Shit men I just wonder and wonder of how can I make this possible, I read, I learn from people and always try to believe this is going to happen. But the truth is that I am lost. I have always reached extraordinary achievements (scholarship, pay my own life and party style, good student… bla bla) but the thing is that I am not feeling right. I think I am lost and that all things that I want I just want them for granted but I don’t feel that passion for things. Maybe, well not maybe, for true the weed is affecting my life. And something I just know after reading this and talking so sincerely with my friends yesterday is that I have to stop this stupid thing right know. I want life as it is know and not as I expect it will be, if you expect happiness in your life in the future, you are not really living anyone’s life, you just are feeding you expectations for something you might want.
Be what you are now!! I want to believe in me, I want to wake up every morning and feel happy for my life, feel happy for the things I have and I do. I want to feel the passion as and extra super included ingredient in my life that is reflected always with the persons I talk and live around in my life. This must include everyone, not preferences for nothing at all.
Dude, the only thing I can tell you is thanks, this article has not change my life but it has given me the strength to say NO MORE. I want something else for my life; I am young, handsome and intelligent. I want to accomplish all the goals I have and the first thing I have to do is get in love again with my life. No more weed, no more life excess. Just feel what you do, remember what you want and be grateful of what you have. As I say to my self,
“El pasado nos condena, pero son los actos que hagamos en el presente los que nos liberan”
Gracias de verdad, y espero cumplirle a todo aquel que lea esto que yo haré un cambio en mi vida y seré el putas que siempre he sido y voy a ser!
Amazing post. I’m only 17 and I feel the need to do these to get me where i want to be in life. And atleast, even if you don’t get paid for this, you’re able to write to us and make a change in our lives aswell as ours.
Thank you, really glad you shared this
@Shaun Great post. Reminds me of Brad Paisley’s “Letter to me”
My list of ten things I would tell myself ten years ago, if I could:
1) Life is short. Even the young can die tomorrow. Always hug your family and friend when saying goodbye as if it will be the last time you see them. Some day you will be right.
2) Smile even when you don’t feel like it. Sulking may be fun for you, but it makes you insufferable to be around.
3) Stop procrastinating now! Never put off til tomorrow what you could get done today.
4) People will try to crush your dreams. Don’t let them. No matter how crazy your ideas are, don’t let anyone take them away from you. Sure they’re crazy; what dream isn’t?
5) Do your homework. I know right now you don’t need to, but it will be absolutely necessary in college.
6) Run. A lot. As much as possible. Exercise daily: the endorphines will make you happy, and the skinniness will help you fit into your jeans.
7) Just do it. You’re gonna end up doing it eventually, and it’s so much easier to just get it over with.
8 ) Always raise your hand when someone asks “can I have a volunteer?”
9) Take every opportunity to travel, whether it be to the grocery store or the moon.
10) Write a little bit (or a lot) every day. Don’t worry about how good it is; you’ll get better as you go. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s stupid. Don’t ever stop.
Excellent life advice. I desperately wish I had been taught critical thinking skills as a child. I could have avoided some huge mistakes that way. That’s why I’m going to school now and plan to teach thinking skills to the next generation.
An enlightening article. Thank you. I read it with pleasure.
Hi. Just wanted to say thanks and that a lot of this stuff resonated with me.
Brilliant. This has the potential to change a lot of lives out there and i’m so happy for you that the big problems of 2009 are over.
Dig the article. What you write is true; I can really relate to #1 & #8.
I let all sorts of people “guide” me to a specific career. Problem was, after 3 months of being a legal assistant I wanted to quit, and did. The job wasn’t creative, but I am. Long story short, I’m now doing what I love where I can express myself creatively… #8 If I could only spit out words as easy as I can write them down.
I would like to think that you are on the right track with your content on this site. I have been (and still am) in the same straits than you are: the job is not gratifying, the interests which make me feel alive are those which won’t pay so much, i would like to have some change, but won’t know what on earth i would do for a living, and so on and forth.
I find myself also giving advice for my younger self. So… it makes me wonder, what is the reason why we won’t get that kind of advice from the more experienced people around us. I mean, what will we think of these things when we are 40 or 60? Or maybe we do get the advice but the truth is we have to learn by our own.
Why don’t you sometime do an article about the advice which older people would give us? They must have a galaxy of information to tell us… they have all get through all of this earlier. Or is it so afterall, that it’s our own quest to make.
I am thankful to have found your blog. Thank you for your wisdom and inspiration. 10 years…I’m the big 32 today. I would tell my 22 year old self to buck-up and go for it. Actually, I guess I’m telling my 32 year old self the same thing! BUCK UP AND GO FOR IT!!!!!!!
I feel something boiling inside. Something that has never quite been there before. I awaken daily to more of myself and who I really am. I think sometimes we, as beings, can be too patient…too patient with our circumstances and obstacles…and I’m completely guilty of that! Though, the patience is dimming and the light is coming into focus…and I believe I’ve found my microscope~your blog! So glad to hear dear Cassie is healed! And look foward to reading through your blog. All the best to you and yours Shaun…
Thank you for reminding me what is important….I wish so deeply I had known this stuff at your age, I have my first born in college now so a bit older than you, I left college in my sophmor year with an associates degree in communication, to marry…dumb dumb dumb…been at that for 21 yrs and 3 of being engaged dumb….and now have 3 kids 2 college one ten years behind them. I had struggles but the marriage is over…done.
I wish I lived more for me, I was at the place you were when you were unhappy with the girlfriend but didn’t say it…I suffered for years and why because I didn’t speak up.
I now use writing and humor to get through, I never achieved my real goals and due to a failed marriage that would have been over sooner but I was worried what the kids would think…and still do. But I have to live for me, health worries I have make me realize this life is a party and parties are not made to last. I need to party while I can. Thank you for your wisdom.
I am so glad Stumble Upon lead me to this.
I’m seventeen, and suffer from low self esteem, not following through, peer pressure. You know, all the good stuff you already talked about not doing. I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself after graduating. I’ve gotten rejected from three of my top schools. I hate my life right now. You’ve just reminded me again that I wanted to enjoy life. Do what you are… I’m a writer. Sometimes that’s all I can identify myself as, and it doesn’t feel quite like enough. Doing that for a living seems like a prayer for job insecurity at the moment.
Reading your advice made me realize that I don’t really give a damn about job security. That I need to do what I want and stop worrying about what my mom wants, what my friends are going to do. If I ever want a half ass shot at being happy, at some point.
Thanks alot.
Excellent post for someone your age..quite remarkable actually. Retrospect at 27 is rare indeed. Here’s one more “thing” to live by that I read a very long time ago…turns out it was more true than I could imagine….
“Marry the right person…it will account for 87% of your happiness…”
Be well and keep writing
About #10 - Forgive my french, but there is a funny saying I once saw. It said, ‘opinions are like ***holes. Everybody has one. And a year from now, most won’t matter anyways.’
About #8 - it is so true. And it works in reverse also. You cannot mind read, so no point trying to imagine what other people are thinking about you. They cannot smell your thoughts, and nor can you smell theirs.
[…] Told Me 10 Years Ago Sunday, January 31, 2010 Posted in PersonalOne of my favorite sites to read, Life Reboot, posted an amazing article 10 Things I Wish Someone Told Me 10 Years Ago. Reading through the […]
Great post Shaun. I am glad I stumbled upon this link and was completely engrossed with whatever you had to say. All the points make terrific sense to me and in a way I could relate to them as I am of same age. The presentation was such that I felt forced to recommend it to some other friends.
Thanks for sharing.
hey Shaun! I got directed here but my dear friend Jay..and honestly, It was far beyond my expectations:)
You have a way with words..and I love that fact:) Impressive post:) Guess I am soon going to get hooked to your posts. great going:)
Excellent list! As a woman, the list would be different because soo much of your life is tangled up with your romantic/reproductive decisions. We breed little boys to grow up and make money, we train little girls to go out and take care of someone.
This is a very well thought off list.
I liked reading each and every point you made. My fav is #8: Nobody know what you are thinking unless you tell ‘em