I’ve previously written about the Power of an Hour, where I said that in order to achieve a long-term goal, it’s best to break it down.  Maybe you want to get in shape, learn a foreign language, or master a musical instrument.  Although none of these goals can be accomplished overnight, you can gradually work towards them by dedicating an hour to them each day.

Currently, I have two long-term goals:

1. Learn to play piano, and
2. Publish a novel.

Both of these goals are works-in-progress, that are likely to be unfinished for some time.  The cool thing is that I can demonstrate my piano-playing progress using YouTube videos.

The video below was recorded two years ago.  I remember how it took several takes to finally record the song without making a mistake:

The next video was recorded this morning.  In two years I got a new apartment, a new instrument, and a new haircut — but the most important difference is the difference in my skill level:

Although I’m still a far ways away from being a famous concert pianist, I performed all of these songs in a single take, and made only a few minor errors.  You can tell by the difference in my expression from the first video that I’m not concentrating as hard, I’m simply letting the music come out of me.

As far as I can tell, this is the only way to achieve results when tasking yourself with a long-term goal.  I remember wanting to sit down at a piano for the first time and play something immediately.  I wanted to start off running, when I hadn’t even learned to crawl yet.  It simply can’t be done — you’ve got to put in the hours first.

If you’re a constant reader of my blog, then you know I want to be a writer.  I want to publish a book someday, and I desperately want to finish at least one of the many fiction stories I’ve started.

There is no other way for me to achieve this dream than to knuckle down and write the whole story.  When I tell people what I’m trying to do and they respond with “You know, I’ve always wanted to write” I can’t help but grind my teeth — the thing that’s stopping them from writing is the exact same thing that’s stopping me: the lack of actually writing.

If you want to be a writer, there’s only one way to do it:  One word at a time, and one word after another.  Do this consistently for a long enough period of time, and you’re bound to reach the end of a story.  If I could manage to accomplish that, then I could get on to the re-write/edit part of the process, and perhaps then call something a “completed work.”

The good news is that my new job grants me a better work/life balance.  I’m working fewer hours. The work is less stressful. I get home earlier.  I won’t have to work from home each night.  Consequently, I’ll have more time for writing.

As an added bonus, I get an hour for lunch every day.  As strange as it seems to be excited about such a simple thing, I’ve never had a job that allowed such a luxury.  I’ve always worked jobs that required a rushed lunch, a “work while you’re eating” lunch, or a skipped lunch.

On my first day, I finished lunch within ten minutes.  I sat still for a moment, wondering what to do with my remaining time.  It took maybe ten seconds before I had a notepad out and my pen was racing across it.

I remember reading about some famous author who started the exact same way — writing an hour each day during his lunch hour.  Perhaps I will achieve the same goal that he did someday.  After all, I’ve been in the habit of writing during my lunch break for just one week, and I almost have two chapters written.

So yes, the “Novel” I mention in the title of this article is unfinished — just like every other novel I’ve started.  I have faith that if I keep up with this new habit, I’m likely to complete a story in another six months to a year.

I’m bound to end up with something, so long as I put in the time — because that’s the power of an hour.

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This year started off normal.  I spent January touring different apartments.  I wasn’t in love with my old place, and I was in a position to move up — so I ran with it.  While signing my new lease on February 13th, I superstitiously joked “Should I be concerned about signing a year lease on Friday the 13th?”  That’s about when 2009 stopped being a normal year…

Within ten days my girlfriend was diagnosed with cancer.  It turned our world upside down.  She stopped working and started spending a lot of time in the hospital.  Five days here, another nine days there.  I couldn’t sleep because I was too worried about her.  Going to work was pleasant just because it was a distraction from the constant worrying.

Then the state of the economy started affecting my workplace.  People got laid off.  Consequently, there was extra work to do.  Everyone who didn’t lose their jobs took pay cuts.  Our life insurance was canceled.  Health benefits were reduced.

If all this wasn’t stressful enough, I heard through the grape vine that I might be next in line to lose my job.  I was concerned because with Cassie unable to work, the best thing that I could be doing for her during this difficult time was to simply keep my day job.  If I lost it, who knows how long it would take before I found something else to make ends meet?  Would I need to break the lease?  How many months could my savings carry us until they ran out?  These are the types of questions I was plagued with throughout each workday.

As the warning signs became more apparent at my job, I decided to change my mindset.  Instead of simply being reactive, just waiting for the axe to fall, I started being proactive, and began looking for something else.  My love for writing was put on pause while I concentrated on the new priority of finding a better job.  I started telling people about my situation, how I was in the market for a new job because of it, and was always keeping one eye open for new job postings in my area.

Unfortunately, with the tanked economy most everything I looked at sounded worse than what I was already doing.  “Part time to start.” — “$9/hour as needed.” — “$10/hour on a contract 1099.”  The pickings were slim.

Despite the discouraging choices that were out there, I quietly kept looking, stayed optimistic, and did all that I could to stay employed.  In a way, I was doing all this because I wanted to improve my life, but the real motivation was Cassie.  I needed to be the strong one while her health was down and push forward in spite of everything trying to knock us back.  I searched, waited, and hoped for a silver lining, and it finally arrived in the form of an email message from my friend Lauren.

Fully aware of my situation, Lauren spotted a job posting that sounded like a good fit for me.  In all honesty it seemed like it was designed for me.  This company was looking to fill a role I had all the relevant experience for, and so they were immediately interested.  I breezed through the phone, in-person, and second interviews.  When they offered me the job, they said “So how much money would it take for you to leave [your current job]?”

For a number of months now, I’ve felt unhappy.  I kept my head up, but all the stresses that I’ve dealt with have been about serious shit that I’ve never dealt with before.  I’ve only recently managed to adjust to it, and thankfully something has come along that makes this year seem considerably less shitty.

It’s hard to explain what kept me going.  In another life, I might have already given up.  Instead, I just told myself things like “One day at a time.” — “It could always be worse.” — “Someone else’s problems would make mine seem trivial.”

The thing is, everyone’s got their own problems, and everyone deals with them differently.  I won’t say that for the past six months I’ve managed to stay happy regardless of everything that’s causing me sadness — because then I’d be lying.  But I will say that at some point I made a conscious choice to deal with these life stresses with a more positive attitude, and continue making efforts to create positive change in my life.

There will always be things you can’t control.  Life has a way of creating situations where you feel helpless about all that’s got you down.  For me, it was having the girl I love fall victim to cancer — and trust me, I’ve never felt more helpless.  In these situations, you’ve just got to decide what kind of person you are:  one who lives with the unhappiness, and allows it to consume oneself fully, or one who pushes past the unhappiness, and makes a conscious effort to be happy regardless of whatever is causing stress, worry, or helplessness.

I’m proud to say that I’m in the second camp.  What about you?

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Did you ever have a dream job when you were growing up?  Did you want to be an astronaut, firefighter, or police officer?  Maybe even now, you secretly wish that you were doing something more interesting, more challenging, or more satisfying than your day job?

I suspect that most people are like this.  They have some idea of what their Dream Job is, but for one reason or another, they’re doing something else — and although I know many people still dreaming about their Dream Job, my friend Lauren is not among them.

That’s because Lauren is working her Dream Job.  Often times she’s admitted that she catches herself pinching herself at work wondering “Is this really real?”  Hearing her talk about her job is uplifting, because when you witness her passion for the work she’s doing it becomes contageous.

Unfortunately, due to these troublesome economic times, cuts are being made and positions are being eliminated.  It’s probable that Lauren will lose her Dream Job.

When she first told me, I didn’t do much other than think “Well that sucks.”  In a way, I expected her to think the same thing and then simply wait for the axe to fall.

Turns out she’d rather fight to keep her position.  She created an online petition with a goal of 1000 signatures.  When I saw her message in my Inbox, I immediately signed the online petition — but I wanted to do more.

I realize that maybe the petition won’t change anything.  Even if the goal of 1000 signatures is reached, she may still lose her job.  She realizes this too, but is determined to go down fighting for what she loves.

If you support the idea that people should be entitled to jobs they enjoy, then I encourage you to sign the petition.  It will take 5 minutes of your time.

NOTE:  If you’re worried about spam, remember to uncheck all the boxes when completing the second page of the petition.  You’ll receive one confirmation email thanking you for “signing up.”  Click the Unsubscribe link, then click the “No, unsuscribe me from ALL” button (the wording tries to trick you into only unsubscribing from this single petition’s updates.)

Lauren’s original email is below:

Please help me keep my job!!

My dear friends and family,

You may not have heard - my school district is planning to eliminate six media specialists this year, and due to my low seniority, I would certainly be one of those six. It is heartbreaking for me because I love being a media specialist and truly adore and care for each student and staff member at my school.

This proposal to cut media specialists is ludicrous! Especially when we know technology and reading are such integral parts of student learning. Even after we’ve seen numerous research studies stating that a full-time media specialist has tremendous positive effects on student learning and achievement - this cut is still under consideration.

Please take a moment to sign this online petition discouraging the Troy School District from cutting media specialist positions. It only takes a minute, and it would mean the world to me!

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/troy-school-district-media-petition

Thank you,
Lauren

8 Comments »

Two weeks ago, if you’d have asked me what was on my mind, I’d have answered with a rather ordinary response.  I likely would have told you that I just signed a lease to a new apartment, and was excited about moving into the new place.  I likely would have told you that I had started taking piano lessons again, and that I was happy with my recent progress.  I likely would have told you that nothing else exciting was going on — that I was really only working and keeping busy.  Life, in a word, had become “routine.”

That was two weeks ago.  Now, things are different.  Not necessarily different meaning bad, just … different.  My perspective and priorities have changed.  My relationships with friends, family, and co-workers have changed.  The reason for the change is that my girlfriend Cassie was recently diagnosed with cancer.

It started out with Cassie getting sick.  We thought nothing of it because she’s always getting sick:  She works several jobs, all of which involve interacting with large crowds of children — so she’s constantly coming home with something.  The difference was that this cough she just could not kick, and it was getting worse every day.

What started out as an intermittent cough on Monday turned into a scary, constant, can-barely-breathe coughing onslaught by Thursday night.  Neither of us could sleep, she could barely catch her breath sitting down, and it was clear she needed medical attention.  I took her to the Emergency Room around 4am.

They gave her a steroid and oxygen to calm her coughing attack.  At first, the doctors guessed it would be bronchitis or pneumonia.  A chest X-ray was administered to check for pneumonia, which they did find a small amount of in Cassie’s left lung — but that wasn’t their biggest concern.  They were concerned most about the “huge, abnormal mass” they found near the top of her lungs in the X-ray.  The doctor did not reveal this gently, he just said “We found a tumor.”

And that was the moment that everything changed.  A moment I’ll never forget.  A moment where seconds before I was thinking my girlfriend might have bronchitis, maybe pneumonia, but was now thinking holy fucking shit, my girlfriend might have cancer.

Cassie was transferred to the main hospital where they set her up with an IV antibiotic to treat her pneumonia.  All day Friday she was carted in and out of her room for different tests and scans.  Different doctors came in to see her every few hours, all of whom asked the same set of questions.  Surgeons came in to talk about the two different options for biopsy:  A catscan-assisted needle biopsy (less accurate, less invasive), or a scope-assisted surgical biopsy (more accurate, more invasive).

Meanwhile, I had four phones going:  The hospital room phone, my personal cell, my work cell, and Cassie’s cell were all occasionally ringing because after word got out that Cassie was in the hospital, people who cared about us wanted to get an update on her condition.  The frustrating part was that for a long time we didn’t know anything new.  Maybe it was an infection, maybe it was cancer.  Nobody would say anything for certain until after the biopsy, so it was a painful waiting game.

The weekend was less exciting only because the hospital staff thinned down somewhat.  They wouldn’t schedule the biopsy on the weekend, so we had to wait until Monday for an answer.  People visited Cassie in shifts.

On Monday the catscan-assisted needle biopsy was scheduled for either 10:00am or 1:00pm.  I no longer remember because by then the days had all blurred together.  I followed Cassie on her stretcher as transport brought her to a holding area.  Waiting for the biopsy to begin was probably the worst half hour in the hospital just because we were across from another young girl who had just finished the procedure Cassie was about to start — she was doubled over in pain and crying her eyes out.

I wasn’t allowed to go into the procedure room with Cassie.  I was given a vibrating token — like the kind used at restaurants — and was directed to a small waiting room.  Something about the Academy Awards was on TV.  Cassie’s mom called and I told her the latest.  She said “Thanks for being there,” and the genuineness in her voice caused tears to well up behind my eyes.

They paged me and I returned to the holding area.  Cassie was now in the spot where the crying girl was previously, but Cassie seemed fine.  She described the biopsy as mostly painless, as the only thing that hurt was the needle’s initial entry.

Now, at this point we were confident that we’d have an answer soon.  Everyone we had spoken with had said that it might take a day, two at most, before the test results would be revealed.  We were therefore shocked, when the “main” doctor said in her experiences the results would likely not be in before Friday.

I was aggravated because it seemed like we were already waiting forever, lost in this limbo of uncertainty hoping for good news but fearing the worst.  Thankfully, that doctor didn’t know what she was talking about and we got the result Tuesday, on the day Cassie was discharged from the hospital.

Cancer.  Specifically, lymphoma.  Since being discharged from the hospital we’ve met with the oncologist, who told us the specifics:

• The official diagnosis is Hodgkin’s lymphoma, Stage 2.
• Hodgkin’s lymphoma is not only treatable, but curable.
• Chemo/radiation treatments will start March 16.

The next year will likely be rough, but the statistics are in Cassie’s favor.  Having been diagnosed with a curable form of cancer at the young age 24, things could certainly be worse — and we’re confident that she’ll be okay.

As for Cassie’s cancer “changing everything,” that’s obviously exaggerated.  Yes, it has changed my priorities.  It has helped me recognize what’s truly important in life.  It has redefined and strengthened my relationships with Cassie’s family, and it has allowed me to realize how sympathetic and understanding my workplace is.  What has not changed, is how I feel about the girl I love.

I love you Cassie.  We’re in this together babe, and we’ll beat it.

Update 11-07-2009: She’s cured!

39 Comments »

Every once in a while I’m contacted by a fellow “LifeRebooter” who wants to share their story.  Glen Allsopp, a young guy who left his life in Europe to experience a new life in South Africa, recently contacted me wanting to share his thoughts on his radical life change.

Due to Glen’s decision to reinvent his own life, he’s become an expert at making a new environment feel like home.  Coincidentally, his article came to me at an interesting time:  I’m moving into a new apartment in a slightly more rural area tomorrow.  Glen’s article starts below:

I always admire people who are able to see that they need to make a change in their lives and actually go out there and make it happen. It might be by reading personal development blogs, switching up their career, setting goals or any number of different things.

On your path, there may come a time when a new location is in order. For me, that was the case when I was offered a job in Cape Town, South Africa. At 18 years old, and living in the UK, I accepted the offer to move across the world to a country where I didn’t know one single person. At the time, that was the right decision and a change I really felt I needed in my life.

There will be some of you that find this post very relevant to your current situation, to others it may not apply, but that doesn’t mean it won’t in the future. Today I want to share some tips on making your new environment feel like home, just like I did in South Africa where I’ve just finished having the best 16 months of my life.

1) Make Friends as Soon as Possible

When I first moved to South Africa this was a project on the top of my list. Moving to a new location can be difficult, but being there and feeling confined to your home can make things even more so. I’ve written a guide on how to make friends but the basics always apply:

• Just ‘get out there’ and be social
• Invite colleagues or contacts to your home for lunch
• Look for clubs where you can enjoy your hobbies with others
• Join clubs such as book clubs or discussion groups

Having friends in a new environment can be the difference between loving where you are and wishing you were back to what you are used to. To me, this is the most important of any of the points you are going to read here.

2) Take Time to Work Out Where Everything Is

The last thing you want to do is run out of food and realize you have no idea where the supermarket is. Take time to learn your address (including area codes), where the closest shops are and even where the hospitals are in case of emergencies. On that note, if you have moved country, make sure you get the phone number for the emergency services; it’s likely they will also be different depending on whether you use a landline or a cell phone.

Additionally, see if you can find some nice ’spots’ you enjoy. In Cape Town, I would often take girls to a place called Signal Hill, which is right next to Table Mountain. At night it rivals the most beautiful places in the world as you can see the whole city and there are some nice seating areas. Having little hideaways like this can be invaluable to enjoying your new environment.

3) Try to Stick to a Familiar Routine

Moving to a new environment is going to be enough of a shock to your system without needing to adjust to a new lifestyle routine as well. Of course, the reason you moved might not allow you to act in accordance with your familiar arrangements; if it does, then keep as close to them as possible.

This applies to things such as:

• The time you wake up
• The job you have
• The activities that you get up to on weekends
• The times you make food and eat

If you know that you are going to have a new time schedule in your new location, try and adjust before you make the move, that way things will be much easier once you do make the switch.

4) Bring As Many Comforts As You Can

You probably don’t like to admit it, but there are probably a few quirky things here and there you really enjoy that you can bring with you on your travels. This may be something as simple as your favorite cushions or throw over, but it might also range to a particular piece of furniture you like from your antique mirror to your ‘lazy-boy’ chair.

The more comforts you have, the more familiar your environment is going to be to you and the less change your mind is going to have to deal with. That is the key point when moving to a new location from one where you felt particularly homely, bringing as many comforts as you can to keep things familiar.

5) Where Possible, Invite Your Old Friends for a Welcome Party

Moving from England to South Africa, I couldn’t exactly fly all my friends over for a house warming and say goodbye to them at the end of the night as they all leave for the airport. However, your relocation may not be quite as drastic. Where possible, see if you can get your friends, old and new, to come celebrate your move.

This works well because in your mind you identify your social life (a very strong factor for feeling at home) with your new environment and that makes things stick in your mind and feel more ‘normal’. Of course, if you can’t do this then it simply isn’t an option, but where possible, make the most of it.

If you keep all of these points in mind, it could seriously mean the difference between enjoying your new surroundings and wishing you hadn’t made such a big ‘mistake’. I’m about to make a move again and go live in the Netherlands where I don’t know anybody. Based on my experience in South Africa and my points above, I’m sure I won’t have any problems.

I would love to hear about the relocation adventures of you all in the comments below…

Glen Allsopp writes for PluginID, a blog on the subject of Personal Development. His site’s mission is to help people ‘plug into their identity’ and realize they can live the life they want to live.

6 Comments »

My girlfriend and I recently started looking for a new place to live.  After two years spent sharing a small apartment, we’re finally in a position to “move up.”

The first place we looked at was a significant upgrade.  We liked it and thought it might work well for us.  The thing is, compared to our current apartment, practically anything we looked at would seem like a significant upgrade.

It seemed foolish to see only one apartment and immediately sign a lease, so we decided to see at least one more.  We felt that even if we didn’t like the second place we saw, it would at least help solidify our opinion of the first place.

We had this idea rather last minute, and so by the time we finished looking up other local options of similar size with the same amenities, it had gotten late in the day.  Most leasing offices closed shop at 5pm, and 4 o’clock was fast approaching.  As a result, most of the places I called didn’t even answer their phone.  When I finally spoke with someone, she gave me bad news:

“I’m sorry, but we close in an hour and won’t be doing any more tours today.  We can set up something on Monday if you’d like.”

I was anxious to see something immediately.  Weekdays wouldn’t work for us, meaning if we couldn’t see it now we’d have to wait until next Saturday.  Furthermore, I knew that just seeing one more place would help us make a decision about the first place we liked, so I pleaded with her.

“We’re less than ten minutes away.  Are you sure you can’t still show us one of your two-bedroom units today?”

“I’m sorry but we close at 5pm.”

“Well we could leave right now and be there around four.”

She wouldn’t budge.  After the phone call ended, Cassie and I looked at each other and exchanged nasty comments about how that woman was a real bitch.  We impersonated her viciously, saying “Oh I’m sorry, but I don’t feel like doing any more work today.  Won’t you call back some other time, you know, when it’s more convenient for me?”

Still determined to see something today, I called a different place.  I asked this new woman if it was too late for a tour, but she said that it wasn’t.  She took my name and number, and said that she’d be there until 5.  We immediately jumped into my car, and exchanged some more unkind works about that first woman.

“Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?  Why couldn’t that other woman be as helpful as this one was?”

We arrived at the leasing office, parked, and walked up the path to the front door.  I gave it a pull, but it was locked, so I knocked.  I waited a minute, but nobody came to the door.

I checked the time while knocking again.  Only 4:30.  She said she’d be here until 5, and yet the door’s locked, it’s completely dark inside, nobody’s answering, and my car is the only one in the lot.  Something’s clearly wrong.

I redial the number from my call log, and I hear the phone ringing on the other side of the door.  The machine picks up, infuriates me when it indicates that the office is indeed open until 5, and I slap my phone shut with aggravation.  I stomp across the snow-covered lawn, find a door marked “EMPLOYEES ONLY,” and pound on it angrily.  I realize it’s pointless — it’s clear that whoever I spoke to is no longer there — but I’m aggravated about the situation and keep pounding the door until my fist hurts.

I return to my car, blood boiling, when Cassie says “I’m confused.”

I pause.

“Didn’t you tell her that we were coming right now?”

“Yes.”

“So why would she say that if she was planning on leaving before we got here.”

“No idea.”

We ended up waiting around for fifteen minutes.  Nobody showed.  We left feeling annoyed and disappointed.  “Why would she agree to give us a tour if she wasn’t going to wait for us?”

Suddenly, in that moment, I remembered that first woman we talked to.  She no longer seemed like a lazy bitch.  Though she may not have been willing to give us a tour on such short notice, at least she wasn’t afraid to tell us “No.”  She knew that it was too late, and so she honestly said “Sorry, that won’t work — it’ll have to be another time.”

The second woman, on the other hand, must not like giving people bad news — and so she just lied to us.  Consequently, she got our hopes up for a moment, but ended up wasting our time and making us angry.

I find it fascinating how the first woman, who I initially disliked and unscrupulously badmouthed, turned out to be the more helpful one.  In hindsight, she basically reinforced the notion that “Honesty is the best policy.”

Of course, it’s hard to employ that in daily life.  I know that at least once a week, some sales person calls our office offering some kind of service we’re not interested in.  Rather than just tell him “Sorry, we’re not interested because we’re satisfied with the great service provided by one of your competitors,” we all take turns lying:

“Sorry, I don’t have the ability to make that decision.” (Even though I actually do.)

“Sorry, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor, who’s unavailable.” (Even though he’s currently giving me the thumbs up.)

After that it just kind of snowballs out of control.  Whenever our Caller ID says “Caller Out of Area” we know it’s that sales guy we don’t want to talk to, so we tried just letting it go to voicemail.  Instead of leaving a message we’d never return, the persistent son of a bitch dialed zero, talked with the front desk, learned that the person he needed to talk to was in fact at his desk, and asked to be transferred.

All of this time wasting nonsense could have been avoided if we had just chosen to be honest, even though it’s not what he wants to hear.  Or is it?  Maybe what we imagine to be “Bad News” is actually not bad to him at all — at least it’s a definite “No,” allowing him to cross us off his list of potential clients.

Having observed all of this, I did something a bit out of character when that woman who stood us up called my cell phone this week.  She identified herself, I asked “Oh is this the place on <Street A> off of <Street B>?”

“That’s correct.”

“Oh alright.  Actually whoever I spoke to on Saturday said that we could come by anytime before 5.  We showed up at 4:30 but nobody was there.  It was actually kind of frustrating since we ended up driving out there for nothing.”

“Was it possible she stepped out to give a tour?  Was there a sign on the hook on the front door?”

“Nope, no sign.  I knocked on the front door and back door, tried calling the number, and waited around for 15 minutes, but no one showed.  It really left a bad first impression on us, and we’re no longer interested in renting at <your apartment complex>.  I do appreciate you following up, though.”

Incredibly, her response was:  “Thanks for being honest.”  We exchanged parting words, and then went on with our respective workdays.

3 Comments »

I read an article today called Dude, where’s my job? - What happens when the most entitled generation ever hits a recession.  In a sentence, it’s about how recent college graduates expect to have their pick of limitless career opportunities, and are completely unprepared for the economic crisis.

The entire article summarized a lot of what I’ve thought and experienced since I graduated in 2003, but what really resonated with me was the following quote:

They expect to go to college, to make lots of money, and perhaps even to be famous.  Unfortunately, there’s a fine line between optimism and confidence, and irrational entitlement.

Irrational Entitlement.  I’ve never had anyone lay those words out there for me before, and now that I’ve heard them, I can’t help but think that maybe I’ve been living my life with an irrational sense of entitlement.

I grew up hearing comments like “You know computers? You’re gonna be the next Bill Gates!” — “Computer Science?  You’ll be rich, kid!” — “You’re a genius. There’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll be successful no matter what you do.”  Consequently, I have this expectation that the world will deliver on these promises that have been spoon-fed to me since the start of high school.

My first job didn’t make me rich.  I felt like that was normal, so I was okay with it — until I learned how my skills set and hard work was making my boss rich, which caused me to quit.

I tried doing freelance computer work, where I quickly learned that people don’t want to pay the computer guy to fix their home computer.  I found another day job where I was being taken advantage of, and the “become unhappy, find another job” cycle continued.  This behavior is mentioned in the article:

It only makes sense that the environment in which they were raised would inform what they expected from a job—namely, flexibility, authority, instant respect and continuous affirmation. (This is a generation, after all, in which seven out of 10 rank themselves “above average” in academic ability.) “They’re not going to put up with the ‘paying your dues’ and being in the mailroom for the first three years,” says Rothberg. “In their mind it’s, ‘I graduated. I’ve always succeeded. I’ve always got a trophy for everything I’ve done. All of my friends and everyone I know is above average, so when I go into a place of work, I’m either going to set that place on fire or they’re not good enough for me and I’m out of there.’ “

It describes me to a T.  I think that I’m hot shit because I graduated in the top 10 of my class. I think that I’m hot shit because I received a bunch of scholarships and awards. I think I’m hot shit because I was President of the National Honor Society, I graduated college with a 4.0 GPA, I finished the four-year Computer Science Curriculum in only three years, and I graduated Summa Cum Laude with program distinction by age 20.  For a long time I believed that employers would be lucky to hire me, and would be knocking down my front door trying to do so.

This recession has taught me better.  It took six months of hardcore job hunting to find my most recent job.  Nearly all of the job postings I saw during my job hunt had a long, bulleted list of high-level requirements, but only offered minimum wage. After six months at my current job, I’ve learned to suck it up and deal with long hours in a short-staffed environment since at least I have a job.

Still, it’s hard to change your mantra from “I deserve better” to “It could always be worse.”  I’ve always been one to suggest that if you want something, then you should have it.  Consequently, letting go of what just might be “Irrational Entitlement” feels like giving up hope.

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I won’t lie to you — I’ve been dreading this post.  I’ve been dreading it because I know that I failed to reach many of the goals I set for myself at the start of 2008.  Regardless of this, I’ve previously written about how it’s important to Review Your Goals, and in order to be consistent with my lifelong plan for personal development, I will take this time to look back at what I wanted to accomplish this past year.

What’s difficult is that right now, I’m not sure if I still have my 2008 goals on record anywhere.  See, my computer crashed this past year, causing Cassie and I to lose some data — so I’m crossing my fingers as I search for a backup on my thumb drive.

…

Humorously, I have a backup of my 2007 Goals and Resolutions, but there’s no trace of my 2008 Goals and Resolutions.  In hindsight, it would have been wise to print a hard copy, because now I must recall the goals from memory, which sucks.

It’s easy to forget exactly what you were thinking about over a year ago.  Although a year isn’t a long time, it’s still enough time to make some significant progress towards a goal, and it’s definitely enough time to regret having wasted.  Without a definite record of what I set out to accomplish this year, I’m forced to fudge it.

This is why I love writing.  When you commit your thoughts to paper, you create history.  There will undoubtedly be a time in the future where you come back to those words and become surprised.  For example, I’ll pick a random journal entry from my college years and I bet I’ll be surprised by what it says:

NOVEMBER 20 2002 - 5:45am
my life is generally based around meeting deadlines.  thanks to all the obligatory responsibilities i’m occupied with, i rarely find time for things i’m interested in.

why was i constructed to give high importance to unimportant things?

when can i live?

It surprises me because that’s something I wrote a little over six years ago, and it still applies to my life today.  I was expecting to read something that didn’t sound very much like me at all, and yet there I am — clearly wanting more out of my life, even at age 20.

When I think back to those times now, I remember college being practically paradise — I was around people my age all the time, so socializing was easy.  I didn’t have to worry about money, because I was at school under scholarship.  I worked only two days a week, and my paycheck was reserved exclusively for poker buy-ins and other entertainment.

In other words, I only remember the good things about that time in my life — and I’ve forgotten most of the bad things.  It’s only evident that college was less than paradise when I find proof of discontent in my journal entries.

What I’m trying to say is that I know that I’ll leave out some of my 2008 goals in the list to follow, because I’ve plain forgotten what they were.  In spite of this, I believe it’s best to write out what I can remember — because a few years down the road, I’ll be grateful to at least have that.

2008 Goals and Resolutions

1.  Write a Manuscript / Fiction Novel / Long Story That Actually Ends

Score:  3/10

Every time I’ve ever tried to write fiction, I’ve given up before the story was finished.  This year was no different.  I started off strong with the first 14 (short) chapters that I published in Fail the First Time, but as the year went on my plan for “just two pages, front and back” fell apart.  It’s a shame because writing fiction was a lot of fun.  Even I didn’t know where the story was going, so I was curious to see what would happen to the characters I created.  Whenever I was deep in the creative writing process, I literally felt like I was running alongside Sam and Carla, furiously writing down all they did as they were doing it.

The things that prevented me from completing this goal were time commitment and doubt.  It became hard to dedicate one or two hours to writing each day when real life obligations trumped storytelling.  I’d also get discouraged when I felt like the choices I made with the story felt uninteresting, unrealistic, or too predictable.

It was also challenging to divide my writing time into fiction and blogging.  One would always steal away my creative energy, leaving the other “unfinished” for the day.  If I skipped writing fiction one day to publish a new LifeReboot article, I’d try to make up for it the following day and write four pages. The next day I’d feel drained, and write nothing at all.  Once I fell into the habit of not writing in my manuscript, it became easier to continue to write nothing.  A few months down the road my manuscript ended up on top of a filing cabinet in my closet, and that’s where it stayed for the rest of the year.

2.  Get a Job, Even if only to Help Pay the Bills

Score: 9/10

At the end of 2007, I remember telling myself “Alright, you’ve tried earning a living as a writer for a year.  You earned $3000, which is practically nothing — so it’s time to find a day job.”  I had no idea that actually finding a job would prove so difficult.

My six months of hardcore job hunting was a trying time.  I was met with extended periods of frustration because I was certain that anyone who hired me would not be disappointed — but I was still being turned down left and right.  Whenever a job lead turned into a dead end I was left feeling rejected, sad, and discouraged.

In the end, I found something decent.  I admit that it’s not perfect, but nothing is — (and if you want to search for the perfect job, expect to search forever.)  Truth is, I’ve found a job where my co-workers are cool, the pay is considerably better than most anything else I’ve seen in this economic crisis, and the workday flies by due to the constant workload. Although what I’m doing may not be what I want to do forever, it’s what I have to do right now to make ends meet.  The way I see it:  It’s not so bad, and things could always be worse.  Consequently, I feel like I have no reason to complain.

3.  Play Piano

Score:  5/10

This is a continuation of the previous year’s goal to accomplish the same thing.  In 2008 I invested in a better instrument, an 88-weighted-key used electric piano that cost $300.  I don’t like spending a lot of money on myself, especially on things I can live without, so it was out of character to buy it — but I felt like it was an investment in happiness.

When I play the piano, I feel good.  I’m not wonderful at it, but I’m not awful either.  Eventually, I would love to master the piano by being able to sight-read music, and memorize challenging pieces that could bring people to tears.

Right now, it’s clear that I need to invest in more piano lessons, as well as dedicate more time to developing my musical talents.  I believe that I’ve taken a step in the right direction by upgrading the instrument on which I’m learning, and I’m confident that if I stick with it, within the next few years I will push past the amateur level and be able to call myself a musician.

…

Having written all this, I’m realizing that I’ve learned something important.  I’ve stressed that it’s important to Review Your Goals, but I’ve previously taken the stance that goals should be set in advance at the start of the year and reviewed at the end of it.  In the two years that I’ve done it this way, I’ve consistently fallen short of the goals that I set.

Perhaps it’s smarter to create goals for yourself, write them down, and then put them somewhere where you’ll see them every day.  I believe that if you’re constantly reading over the goals you’ve set to achieve, you’re more likely to put in the hours necessary to accomplish them.

So if you haven’t done so already, I recommend you invest some time into planning what it is you hope to do in 2009.  Write out what you want, break large goals down into smaller steps, and then fill up a dayminder, or yearly wall calendar, or whiteboard — anything that you’ll see every day.  Check back in a year and share what you managed to accomplish.

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Even though I already covered the topic of Writer’s Block in Nothing I Write Will Ever Be Perfect, I want to write a new article that explains a similar effect from a different cause.

My boss reads my blog.  I’ve written, deleted, and rewritten what seems like a hundred other ways to dance around the issue, but that’s what I’m trying to say:

My boss reads my blog, and knowing this has caused me to become frightened.  I’m afraid that I may write something that could cause me to lose my job.  I mean, being fired because of your blog content is not quite unheard of.

Still, I suppose it’s silly to get so worked up over it that I stop writing completely.  After all, I mentioned LifeReboot in our first meeting, and watched him write its URL along the top of my resume during the interview.  I assume he checked it out, and he still hired me.

What has me worried, though, is something he said during a private meeting:  He thanked me for not publishing any details about the company, my workday, or my gripes in my blog.

So despite it being something I believe I shouldn’t worry about, I still manage to worry quite a bit.  I worry hardcore.  I’ve worried myself into blog silence for over two months.  I lie awake at night worrying about what my readers must be thinking, fearing they are disappointed or fed up with the lack of new content — or at least the lack of an explanation.

At the same time, I worry about what there’s even left to write about.  I work for a 24/7 media company, and I put in long hours.  In other words, it not only steals my energy but it also consumes much of my time, leaving little else to experience and write about.

Right now it feels like I’m making excuses, though.  In the past few months, I’ve been back to Jersey for Thanksgiving.  I saw my family, friends, and old co-workers for the first time in over a year.  Although I could have written about that, I didn’t.

In the past few months, I’ve heard from an old friend who experienced an inspiring LifeReboot of her own.  Although I could have written about that, I didn’t.

In the past few months, I’ve been approached by two different publicists that have sent me books they want me to review.  Although I could have written the book reviews, I haven’t.

I dunno, I guess I’ve just felt like lately I’ve been in a bit of a tight spot, and I’m confused about what to do about it.

For a long time now, I’ve chosen to do nothing.  What’s difficult is that every day I do nothing, it becomes easier to continue to do nothing.  Every day I don’t write, it becomes even easier to think “I’ve already gone this long without publishing anything, so what’s another day?”

I’ve had enough of this mindset and the sleepless nights it causes me.  Ironically, it’s 1:54am right now, I work tomorrow morning, and I actually got up an hour ago in order to write this so that I could fall asleep earlier.

(“Got up an hour ago, so that I could fall asleep earlier?”  Saying that out loud makes me realize that might not make any sense, especially if you’ve never had a case of Writer’s-Block-Induced-Insomnia.  Trust me when I say that to me, in this moment, it makes sense.)

As for How to Worry Yourself into Blog Silence, I believe the steps are clear:

1. Allow any potential opinions about, reactions to, and comments on your blog worry you into a state of paralysis.
2. Keep worrying, and/or never snap out of it.

But if you’re like me, to not write is suicide.  In spite of your struggles, you will eventually snap out of it, and blog on.

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“Nice to meet you,” I said — politely shaking her hand as I smiled.

“Likewise,” she said in the same, quick, ‘how-do-you-do’ manner.

I had already been introduced to a few dozen strangers that night, and like all the others before her I had already forgotten her name.  What was different was that this tiny exchange of hellos happened just seconds before those who introduced us disappeared to talk amongst themselves.  I turned to her, expecting some typical ’strangers meeting for the first time’ idle chit-chat.

“So…” she began.

I immediately knew what she was going to ask, and dreaded the question.  “What do you do?” she’ll say.  I’ll tell her that I’m a computer guy, which will open the flood-gates for a ton of other questions I don’t want to answer.  It’s a lousy existence, working for a living doing work you hate — because whenever you meet someone new you end up talking about shit you don’t care about.

“What do you like to do when you’re not doing what you have to do?” she finished.

The question surprised me.  Not only because it wasn’t what I expected her to ask, but also because the question was quite profound.  It was almost as though this unnamed girl was sharing the perfect ice breaker with me — a question that cuts through all the bullshit “let me impress you with what I do” nonsense by casually asking “Who are you really?”

Depending on when the question was asked, I may have answered that I like working on classic cars and showcasing them in parades.  Or maybe I said that I like reading novels that turn into movies, and then enjoy watching the film to see what’s different.  Or perhaps I said that I like writing about my personal experiences and publishing articles about them online.

Whatever I actually said that night, I know that I was anxious to share what was on my mind.  I talked about what I liked to do passionately, because it was a topic that interested me.  Had she asked about my day job — something I have to do — I would have been quite reluctant to talk about it.

Looking back on this, I recognize that life truly can be simplified into these two categories:

What You Like to Do is the stuff you’d do all the time if you were a billionaire, and

What You Have to Do is the stuff you do because you’re not.

(I know it’s a crude explanation — but I’m certain you know what I mean.)

Right now, I have a bunch of interests that fall under what I like to do:  reading novels, writing memoirs, writing manuscripts, learning piano, learning to surf (something quite impossible in Michigan), watching movies, playing games, solving puzzles, eating delicious food, and spending time with friends.

Unfortunately, most of these things that I like to do have been pushed aside while I’ve been concentrating on what I must do:  I’ve been investing a lot of hard work and long hours at my new job with the hope that my three-month review will yield a raise or promotion.  Lately it seems like the list of things I like to do could be shortened to just: Sleep.

In short, please forgive the recent lack of new content on LifeReboot.  My day job has been stealing my energy, and I realize it’s a lame excuse.  Sacrificing my writing time to work for a living may not be what I like to do, but I believe it’s what I have to do.

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