My boss reads my blog. I’ve written, deleted, and rewritten what seems like a hundred other ways to dance around the issue, but that’s what I’m trying to say:
My boss reads my blog, and knowing this has caused me to become frightened. I’m afraid that I may write something that could cause me to lose my job. I mean, being fired because of your blog content is not quite unheard of.
Still, I suppose it’s silly to get so worked up over it that I stop writing completely. After all, I mentioned LifeReboot in our first meeting, and watched him write its URL along the top of my resume during the interview. I assume he checked it out, and he still hired me.
What has me worried, though, is something he said during a private meeting: He thanked me for not publishing any details about the company, my workday, or my gripes in my blog.
So despite it being something I believe I shouldn’t worry about, I still manage to worry quite a bit. I worry hardcore. I’ve worried myself into blog silence for over two months. I lie awake at night worrying about what my readers must be thinking, fearing they are disappointed or fed up with the lack of new content — or at least the lack of an explanation.
At the same time, I worry about what there’s even left to write about. I work for a 24/7 media company, and I put in long hours. In other words, it not only steals my energy but it also consumes much of my time, leaving little else to experience and write about.
Right now it feels like I’m making excuses, though. In the past few months, I’ve been back to Jersey for Thanksgiving. I saw my family, friends, and old co-workers for the first time in over a year. Although I could have written about that, I didn’t.
In the past few months, I’ve heard from an old friend who experienced an inspiring LifeReboot of her own. Although I could have written about that, I didn’t.
In the past few months, I’ve been approached by two different publicists that have sent me books they want me to review. Although I could have written the book reviews, I haven’t.
I dunno, I guess I’ve just felt like lately I’ve been in a bit of a tight spot, and I’m confused about what to do about it.
For a long time now, I’ve chosen to do nothing. What’s difficult is that every day I do nothing, it becomes easier to continue to do nothing. Every day I don’t write, it becomes even easier to think “I’ve already gone this long without publishing anything, so what’s another day?”
I’ve had enough of this mindset and the sleepless nights it causes me. Ironically, it’s 1:54am right now, I work tomorrow morning, and I actually got up an hour ago in order to write this so that I could fall asleep earlier.
(“Got up an hour ago, so that I could fall asleep earlier?” Saying that out loud makes me realize that might not make any sense, especially if you’ve never had a case of Writer’s-Block-Induced-Insomnia. Trust me when I say that to me, in this moment, it makes sense.)
As for How to Worry Yourself into Blog Silence, I believe the steps are clear:
- Allow any potential opinions about, reactions to, and comments on your blog worry you into a state of paralysis.
- Keep worrying, and/or never snap out of it.
But if you’re like me, to not write is suicide. In spite of your struggles, you will eventually snap out of it, and blog on.
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