There’s more to living than only surviving. Maybe I’m not there, but I’m still trying.

— The Offspring, Staring at the Sun

I recently read a self-help book about challenging yourself in the face of adversity, that argued the importance of reacting positively to unexpected life changes.  This was the second time I read Jon Gordon’s The Shark and the Goldfish, and it really got me thinking.

The book uses a short story to draw a parallel to life’s unexpected changes.  It’s about a goldfish that leads a happy life in his bowl until he’s accidentally swept into the ocean during a trip to the beach.  In the open water where no one feeds him, he’s convinced that he’s done for until a friendly shark teaches him to fend for himself.

The story is incredibly corny, and the first time I read it I dismissed it immediately.  It wasn’t until I needed to read it again for a book review I was asked to write that I began to appreciate its message.

The author states that he’s received considerable criticism about just how short and simple The Shark and the Goldfish is.  According to Gordon, critics believe books “must be long and complicated to be significant.”  Typically, I would agree with that mindset — but the fact that this tiny book has inspired me to write more than one article about it makes me recognize how its success is a result of its succinctness.

The most profound dialogue in the story comes from the shark, in a conversation where he challenges the goldfish’s thinking:

“You know what your problem is?”

“I’m starving and no one will feed me.”

“No, you are waiting to be fed.”

Waiting to be fed.  When the words hit me, I likened myself to the goldfish in the bowl — content with his life as long as he was being fed.  I wondered how many of us simply go through the motions of life without actually living.

Refusing to venture outside of our fishbowl-routine isn’t living, it’s just … surviving.  The fact that we often need something drastic to force us out of the bowl and to quit sleepwalking through our lives is disappointing.

Unexpected things that forever change our lives happen to all of us.  A few years ago my girlfriend and I were comfortably living our lives, with two paychecks feeding us, when she was diagnosed with cancer.  She stopped working to focus on her health, and shortly thereafter I learned that I might lose my job.  The feeling was like being swept out to sea.

I reacted out of necessity.  I found another job quickly, and we somehow managed to stay afloat.  It was the toughest year of my life, and I remember a cycle of emotions where I bounced from being angry, to sad, to worried and back again all the time.  I remember writing my How to Be Happy when Everything Sucks article in a haze of depression, where I was writing for the sole purpose of trying to convince myself that everything was going to be okay.

The positive things that came out of that experience is that my girlfriend recovered, our relationship was strengthened, and I learned the importance of attitude.  It’s difficult to maintain a positive attitude when the world is shitting on you, but in the face of adversity you manage to find a way.  During these challenging times you recognize how you can’t control the events in your life.  You can, however, choose how you react to them.

The same is true for when you’re living comfortably.  When nothing’s going on outside of your routine, you can choose to stagnate and feel content with the way things are.   You’ll end up waiting until something unexpected forces you to take action.

On the other hand, you can choose to challenge yourself and be progressive by working towards your personal development goals.  Although you may suffer some embarrassment or the occasional blow to your pride when things don’t work out the way you want them to, you’re still trying.  This is the difference between living and surviving, and it’s your choice.

Once you recognize that, you’ll understand that you have more control over your life than ever.  Which camp are you in?

(If you want to read more about Gordon’s The Shark and the Goldfish, see the Book Review I wrote for The Daily Leap)

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I’ve talked before about my interest in mastering the piano in my lifetime.  Without getting too much into it, I’ve always been attracted to the piano.  Whenever I’d get near one, I always wanted to press its keys — despite the fact that I didn’t know how to play anything.

For the bulk of my life, I envied anyone that was musically talented.  I was jealous of those who could bust out piano songs like they were pros.  Eventually, though, I became fed up with simply wishing that I could play piano, and started actually learning.

I got my first keyboard for Christmas in 2005, and have slowly been working my way up ever since.  I’ve had a few different instructors, a few different teaching styles, and a few different instruments.  Check out my piano progress in the video below:

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I admit it: There have been times where I was so confused about what my life’s purpose was that I actually asked Google.  I fired up my browser and typed “How to find your calling” to see if it would lead me anywhere.

Deep down I knew that it couldn’t tell me, but I imagined that it might lead me in the right direction.  Maybe if I fill out this career test… oh wait I have to register to see my results.  Maybe if I read this story about this person who found their true calling… oh wait it’s an ad for purchasing their eBook.  Maybe if I rephrase the question in the search box… I’ll dance around the issue all night.

Admittedly, searching for answers online is much simpler than soul-searching.  Maybe that’s why you’re here reading what I have to say at all. Trust me, I’ve been there — so I understand if you’re just quickly skimming this article looking for an answer.

Quite simply, there are two worlds:

1. What you do for a living, and
2. What you were born to do.

I believe that in most cases, they’re radically different, and seemingly impossible to connect.

What you do for a living is the safe option.  It’s comfortable, it’s what you know, it’s what you’ve done for years.  Perhaps most significantly, it can’t be all that horrible, because you’re still doing it.

What you were born to do is the frightening option.  It’s uncertain, it’s what you enjoy, but is there any money in it?  What if it doesn’t work out?  You’ll have traded in your safe career for a silly dream that never came to fruition, and then what?  Come crawling back to reality, shamefully admitting that your entrepreneurial venture was a bust?  No thanks — I’d hate to be a failure.

This uncertainty, this fear of the unknown scares us to the point of paralysis.  We don’t take action because we don’t want to fail at what we love to do.

I’ve recently felt, though, that the alternative is much worse.  Doing only what you have to do for a living, to make ends meet, day after day with no outlet for what you were born to do wears on you more and more as time passes.  You become increasingly unhappy.

I recently read a book by Jim Manton called “The Secret of Transitions: How to Move Effortlessly to Higher Levels of Success.”  In it Manton discusses how happiness requires purpose.  I couldn’t agree more.

It’s a good book as far as self-help books go, and I want to share one paragraph in particular that really spoke to me.  It’s on the subject of passion:

When I am _____, I feel most alive.  Everything is acting in concert–mind, body, heart and spirit.  I am here.  I can feel my heart beat.  I can feel the sensation of energy flowing into my core as I draw in a breath.  I see, hear and feel.  I notice that my only emotion is one of gratitude.  I love being alive.

I left out what Manton’s passion is in the quote above, because I feel like it’s better to leave the empty space for you to fill in.  What Manton wrote, or what I might write, or what anyone else might use to fill in that blank space is unimportant.  I want you to focus instead on the feeling that he describes.

What makes you feel most alive?  What’s something you do that makes you feel like everything is right in the world?

Say it out loud.  Say it louder.  Say it again and again with pride.  If you’re smiling, you’re on the right track.  If you can’t stop smiling, you’ve hit your target.  And if you’re crying, you’ve found your true calling.

Whether you’ve already found what it is that you were born to do, or if you’re just starting to take steps towards embracing your true calling, I’m thankful that you’re here.  Writing is my true calling, and without readers like you I’d feel like there was nothing worth writing about.  Thank you for helping to fulfill my life’s purpose — now tell me about yours!

(If you want to read more about Manton’s Transitions, see the Book Review I wrote for The Daily Leap)

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At the start of every year I like to take a moment to review my goals, and see how I’m doing.  What always intrigues me is how my priorities change from year to year.

2007 was all about starting a blog.  I created this site and wrote in it full-time job, with the hope that maybe it would earn a living wage.  It didn’t.

2008 was all about writing fiction.  I had this idea that I could work a full-time job to make ends meet, and in my spare time, I’d write a novel.  I didn’t.

2009 was all about recovery.  Cassie fell sick with cancer and the experience reshaped our understanding of what’s important.  The goal was to beat the illness, and she did.

Consequently, 2010 was all about returning to a normal life.  Cassie and I both have good jobs now.  We’re living close to our jobs in a nice area.  We feel like we’re saving a lot of money quickly, in spite of the rough economy.  We’re being progressive, and look towards the future anxiously.

At the same time, I can’t help but feel mildly disappointed at the lack of progress in other aspects of my life.  I want to be writing more often, and I want to be constantly learning new things.  I want to be on the upwards climb, working towards a better me and a better tomorrow every day — but the routine of life tires and stresses me out to the point where I’d rather not.

I play the lottery often.  I imagine that life would be so much simpler if I didn’t have to worry about the constancy of a paycheck.

I watch a lot of television.  I tell myself that I need to decompress at the end of each workday, and that I deserve a break.

I waste a lot of time playing silly video games.  It’s less concentration-intensive than writing, or advancing my career, or working towards any of my goals.

My point is that goals aren’t achieved overnight, and perhaps more importantly, goals can change.

When I was young I wanted to be a computer person, and now that I’m a computer person, I want to be something else.  This constant search for improving, or advancing to “the next level” goes hand-in-hand with personal development.  It’s not necessarily an indication that you’re altogether unhappy or unsatisfied with where you are, but when you are able to realize the time that has passed — an entire year — and that maybe you’re no closer to the goals you set out for yourself last year… you wonder what the heck you’ve been doing wrong.

Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.

With this in mind, if I’m unhappy with the lack of results, then something about my daily routine has to change!

For the most part, I get things done.  What I struggle with is getting things done that have no due date.  How do you become a successful writer?  What’s the indication that “Yes, you have achieved this.”

Certainly it involves writing more often than I currently do.

So tell me, do you struggle with this also?  Do you have goals that are difficult to achieve or maintain focus on, and if so, what are your strategies to staying on track?

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You don’t always realize just how big of an impact small changes can make.  I’m speaking from experience, because I recently made a small change that effectively bought me an extra 65 days of vacation a year.

Human beings are creatures of habit.  You stick to a daily routine because it’s comfortable, it’s what you’re used to, and it’s what feels “normal.”  For the past year, it was “normal” for me to spend two hours a day in my car, stuck in traffic, driving to and from work.

It’s what had to be done — or at least this is what I kept telling myself for 20 months.

The short version of the story goes like this:

• My girlfriend Cassie was diagnosed with cancer.
• I was at risk of losing my day job.
• In order to make ends meet while my girlfriend focused on her health, I accepted another job in another town.
• We never considered moving because it wasn’t a priority to us.

It wasn’t a priority to us because it wasn’t an option.  Or at least it wasn’t an option we considered.  We only “woke up” to the possibility of moving closer to my job after Cassie was cured, and found a teaching position in the same area where I work.

Things happened quickly.  We turned in our month’s notice to end our current lease and shopped around for a new place.  We slowly moved our belongings to our new home each day, packing our cars full the night before and stopping by to unload them after work.

It’s done. We’ve moved.

Consequently, what used to be a stressful, hour-long endeavor traveling 30 miles in bumper-to-bumper traffic is now a quick 10-minute commute.  I’ve reclaimed 2 hours of my workday.  That’s 10 hours a week, or over 500 hours a year — or how I like to look at it, nearly 65 days of “vacation.”

All of that time that was previously being lost to rush hour can now be spent doing more fulfilling things, like hobbies!  Piano!  Writing!  Exercising?  Whatever the case may be, I’m definitely excited about my new Free Time!

Have you ever made a small change in your routine that gave you more Free Time?  Please share your tips and stories in the comments.

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